mR.click5.kinds of understand.

Tried to take a picture
Of love
Didn't think I'd miss her
That much
I wanna fill this new frame
But it's empty

Tried to write a letter
In ink
It's been getting better
I think

I got a piece of paper
But it's empty
It's empty
Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

And I even wonder
If weShould be getting under
These sheets
We could lie in this bed
But it's emptyIt's empty
Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apar
tMaybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

( k o s o n g )

i feel empty.



right now.

introducing....

updates.
i gotto find out bOut.
ll QueenEleanor ll
ll first crusade. Second crusade ll
ll King Henry ii.ii.iii.iv.v.vi.vii.viii.viii. blah blah blah ll
ll triangles. ll
ll properties circles ll
=.=
ll functions and graphs. ll yes i totally forgot.
ll whole of maths txtbook 3A.3B. ll zomg.
ll metal ll pft?
ll i dont know.just.anything to do with the school science textbook whichih i dont even own one ll.
ll Najib is d new prime minister nOw and i dont even know till a few days later. ll ohkay.
ll this something to do with d chemistry eqaution ll blahh.
ll i nid those form2's txtbooks.! backup. (: ll

ookayy. i'll be a good girl from now on.
likewise.
hah.

my mission from 10.50pm onwards.

i get easily annoyed when i think i'm dumb.maybe i just am comparative.she's smart.and i'm not.she gets it.and i dont.there's nothing i go against with looks.cz we're just born like that.nothing changes it.
but brains?
we are what we made ourselves.
like.u used diz kinda material to make some shoe.u put in effort and used d best material and it turns out to be Nike.auction bidding from rm400.
and thus.u use another kind of material intending to make more profit than anything,using the cheapest material and not putting in any hardwork with handiwork.it turns to to be pasarmalam shoes.LELONG RM10 for 2!

what's really on my mind is now that why i'm not as smart as other people. i think i'm a chapter slower.i dont get things in a click!i'm the kind who only understands the maths equation hours later tht was on the board hours ago. i actually nid hours to understand some stupid stuff. i'm that dumb. there's so many things i dont know.and am SO eager to know in other words.i just cant wait for all these knowledge to get into my empty brain. yess.i'mintendingtobeanerdnow.
its a wonder how these people could write 15pages of answers and i could only write 4.it bugs me alot. what do they've to write. yess.we've the same question paper.only their answers is 15pages and mine is 4. how far compared is that?
and i hate the fact of being looked down by people. they say i'm like my dad. only he works hard for it.and i think i'm not working at all.
u know the disdain look. it bugs me i cant sleep well sometimes. this one week holiday and i'm spending almost everyday in d shopping complex windOw shopping.like it'll do me any good. u bet. monday=pavillion.tuesday=klcc.wednesday=timesSquare.pavillion.thursday=midvalley.
i feel really guilty now. so friday is my study day. (:
i really admire these girls in my school who're smarties and feel good bout themselves. =[
i wanna be one of em'.
those who feel so good bout themselves and dey get loudd.?with nothing but a peanut?
they make me laugh.
i dont wanna look in d mirror and see myself as them.
i want a change.
like.finally.
i'll try.): i just have to pass accounting.i never did.and math. waththehell. i couldnt even get an 80 for english nOw. i'm loving history.but what's with the 15pages answers? i think i've a very low memory.maybe i was born when d hardDisk in heaven is out of stock.
i always tell myself i'll study i''l studyy. but something surely comes out when u know.like. i always get the excuses. i dont know why. they just come up with a click!and i tend to completely forget i just havehavehavehave to studyy!=<
imustlovestudyingnow.
because this will be a mission from 10.50pm onwards. :D

tongtong was here!``
mwahhs.
<3333>

M.A.C. ooh. mac.

k.e.v.i.n ..blog* mac-indescribablelife.blogspot.com says:
love is a gr8 feeling.!
wad u tink abt her la??
Cso‧ωнат?❥i ｡sø ｡ ℓovε ｡ м¥ ｡ εғғiиg ｡ ℓi ғз ]❥__ змo-gεεк ▎▎•вℓiик•вℓiик• ▎✖ғuск.уou.вiтсн ☠sø.iи.❤.ωiтн. mii3✖ says:
ithinkshesnice.

k.e.v.i.n ..blog* mac-indescribablelife.blogspot.com says:
im not nice?
fine.
Cso‧ωнат?❥i ｡sø ｡ ℓovε ｡ м¥ ｡ εғғiиg ｡ ℓi ғз ]❥__ змo-gεεк ▎▎•вℓiик•вℓiик• ▎✖ғuск.уou.вiтсн ☠sø.iи.❤.ωiтн. mii3✖ says:
i never said ur not nice
peraSHan.
k.e.v.i.n ..blog* mac-indescribablelife.blogspot.com says:
i know.im ugly.fatty.n stuff.
Cso‧ωнат?❥i ｡sø ｡ ℓovε ｡ м¥ ｡ εғғiиg ｡ ℓi ғз ]❥__ змo-gεεк ▎▎•вℓiик•вℓiик• ▎✖ғuск.уou.вiтсн ☠sø.iи.❤.ωiтн. mii3✖ says:
HEY!
i said shes nice. so tht u'll be happie!
and ur saying ur not nice.
apelah
k.e.v.i.n ..blog* mac-indescribablelife.blogspot.com says:
fine.
ur sayin shes nice jz to make me hapi?
_________________________________________________________________________________
and diz is wht happened. i cant believe my long-known-friend is finally in love!mac no offence kae. (: ifeelsohappyiwannacry. okayyokayy.lets not exaggerate. nyways. good for you!blehhs. :P

hooligans.intrigued.

hooligans.
intrigued.

ahh. just the two words tht has been on my mind for the whole day.
dont ask me why.it was just like tht.

bytheways.

bytheways.
another week. i'll have to wait.
we've had it for a month. and now A week. i'll stick to it. (=
we're getting closer and its like suddenly. we're apart again. we dont really talk like we used to. i wanted to call to say goodbye.but its too late i guess.
it dissapoint me a lil' tht u hadnt bothered to.
anyways.
all i want is yOu to be happy. =)
i know i hadnt put in much effort doing that. iwasuseless.
i hope things would be back to normal. =x
i'll work for it. !

imissyoukevin.
beBckSoon yahh.

mOmmy.come back safely.

its been awhile

i cant bring to stop the tears

its frozen now.

the heart aches. there's nothing i could do to stop it.

maybe i'm not used to it.

so much has happened.

mommy come back please.

before she left we had the worst argument this year. and i said things i shouldnt. i've said it. there's no way i could take it back now though its exactly what i would want to do if i were given the chance.

u said i always say things to hurt people.

i'm actually hurt inside myself. maybe this is my way of expressing. i didn't know how to express properly i guess.

all the weeks before u went wasnt exactly nice either.

we fought almost every week now. i find it so hard to talk to you. its like u wouldnt listen. and u shooed me away when i came n talk to u when dad is around.i know he hates me. its alrite. u told me i'm a good girl and u hugged me when u left. after all these years. i could remember its the first. i saw jangjang writting in his diary today..even though its in chinese. i could make out a few words. he said something like..''mummy went outstation today..she gave me rm100 and i used it to buy my toys.mummy told me tht if she left and never come bck.if she dies. this will be my last toy. i hugged her and cried.'' tears well down when i read it. he's only 11. although i always fight with him.i always knew he's actually really soft inside.

i didnt like being at home alone. but what could i do? taking care of the three of them is so not an easy job. but it taught me alot. and is teaching me even now.

i'll endure.

never have i realised how much u suffered. how heavy ur burden is.

i always wanted to go against you.

remember that time i wanted to buy something frm Watson's and said its really important? and u said everything is important to me wan la.. and i shot back by saying that ur the not important at all one.

i actually really meant the opposite. but i guess u wont know. but anyhow,i hope u do.

i wish u were right here now asking me to sleep early and not play the computer till late night. but u wont be.

mOmmy. come back faster.

i scowled.i screamed.i swore.

i even said i wished u wud not come back.

i was frustrated. really am.

before u left and when i was muttering. ''have a good time..'' u went saying u wanted me to be perfect. u wanted me to study perfectly.before tht u said i wasnt studying. u said i was lazy.but i shouted back saying i had tried my best.i really had.but i know i flunked.i just couldnt do it.good scores are never me i guess. i am sorry i didn do well and dissapoint u. and dad. u 'd said i wasnt practicing violin. u'd said i didnt have manners. u said my attitude sucked.

everything u said hurt right to the core. i've been trying so hard.

tears are falling as i'm typing this.

i've thought u oways treated me as a big girl.even when i was four u never asked bout my homework. thats one thing u never did till today.i've done all my homeworks all these years without ur help.

jangjang is 11 now n u still helped him with his homework everyday. its strange.its not tht i'm saying u never took care of me. its just.in a different way. u taught me to grow up. and i guess i'm d most independant one among us four.

when u left the four of us were in the room. and the three of them were talking to each other bout what would they do if i werent here to take care of em'.they said the same thing when i was at their age and u went overseas.i'll always and forever be the elder one. i understand.

u said u understand me.and i said HeCk nO!and if u do,i had said,i'd give u 500bucks.u said 5things tht were true. things tht i never expect u to understand. but it was all so true. u know me more than myself.

the people i hurt the most are the people i love the most.

i wanted to socialise. i wanted people to accept me.

i love my sister.and brothers. thats one thing i'll never admit.

remember all the times we go out together as a family and dad never even talked to me? he wouldnt even looked at me twice.all he did was glare at me. and they hurt. and u'd be avoiding me.

i was sick and i woke up late last weekend. u guys scorned.

ii missed talking to u like we did mommy. how i'd spend hours in ur room and we'd talk about everything in d world.

it scares me why u handed me so much money in cash before u left..

Mummy...come back please.

updates.

omgg.! yes yes. ur sO required to tell me its c.u.t.e.

impossible to resist. arent they? (:

currently.

i get frustrated very easily nOw.
what's in my mind is that everything's wrong.
exams.waddahell. i flunked. everythin.
even arts. what i hadnt expect.
i tried so hard. i tried. i did.

one thing i hate the most.
do i have to remind myself?
i dont really hate anything basically.
i dont have thieves. i dont hate backstabbers. idonthatebitches.
well. not as much as i hate.

LiARS.
idont know why. i just cant stand it.
lies. simple lies. white lies. dark lies.
any lies.
i never really get why people have to lie.
i never liked lying. even though i know the truth hurts.
even though i know you wouldnt like knowing the truth. wudn like listening to it.
how wud u feel if u figured out the truth out of the lie?
does it feel better?
heck nO.
i bet u'd feel really badd u get lied to.
its a stupid thing to do.
i couldnt figure out till nOw why human beings have to lie.
its so childish. yet sO.
after d lies.afer a minute. u'd say.. ''hah!it was a joke! i was just kidding! cant u take a jokee!?? OMG!''.
i wud be thinking. well. yess. i bet u think its funny.
its not tht i hate it.
its not tht i hate jokes. i'm really OKAY with it. in fact. i liked it when u joke. (= but not about something serious please.
i jz hate the feeling of being LIED.

imagineifitsyou.

``tongtong was here!(:
8pm.